Over the past several months, the account of the death of Lazarus in John chapter eleven has taken on new significance for me. First, I noticed that John seems to go to great lengths to emphasize the special relationship between Jesus and Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. In verse two he says Lazarus was the brother of This Mary,… the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. In other words, Lazarus who died was the brother of the Mary who risked public condemnation for making such a public display of her love for Jesus. Her devotion to Jesus didn’t make her exempt from suffering.

John also indicates that Mary and Martha described Lazarus as the one you love when they sent Jesus a message, Lord, the one you love is sick.

Then lest we think Mary and Martha had overstated their case, John says clearly in verse five, Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. It’s clear that Jesus loved this family as deeply as they loved Him. They were not self-deceived in believing they were special to Him. This, too, didn’t exempt them from suffering.

In light of this, even before our son’s illness, verse six has always been difficult for me:  Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, [Jesus] stayed where he was two more days. Why didn’t Jesus respond immediately to His friends? I’ve come to the conclusion that because of His deep love for this family who had been so good to Him, it was as an act of obedience to His heavenly Father that prompted Jesus to stay where he was for two more days.

Although John doesn’t give us a first-hand account of Mary and Martha’s feelings or conversations during those two days, we can make some assumptions by the first words each of them spoke when He arrived. When Martha heard Jesus had come, she went to meet Him and said, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. In other words, why didn’t you come sooner?

In verse 20 we’re told that although Martha went to meet Jesus when she heard He was coming, Mary stayed at home. It’s speculation on my part but I’ve wondered if perhaps Mary, the one who Luke told us sat at Jesus feet as well as the one who poured perfume on His feet, may have been more deeply wounded than Martha by what must have appeared to be Jesus’ indifference to her brother’s plight. She didn’t go to meet Him until Martha told her, The Teacher is here and is asking for you. ( John doesn’t actually record that Jesus did, indeed, ask for her. )

Even though Mary’s behavior was a bit different from Martha’s, we’re told she fell at Jesus’ feet weeping, her words were the same as Martha’s: If you had been here, my brother would not have died. We’re not told that Jesus rebuked either Mary or Martha for expressing their disappointment, and in a sense, blaming Him for their brother’s death. Then, as now, Jesus is big enough to handle our honesty and disappointment. He is a safe place to express our most negative feelings.

Rather than rebuking Mary and Martha for their honesty, we’re told that when He saw Mary and the Jews who had come with her weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled, and in verse 35, we’re told that Jesus wept.

The response of some of the Jews to Jesus weeping confirmed again my belief that Jesus had a deep love for Lazarus. They said, See how He loved Him!  Others repeated Martha and Mary’s words with a slight variation, Could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?

Even though the death of Lazarus had a different ending than most of our experiences with death and dying, the fact remains that even though Jesus loved this family very much, He allowed them to go through a harrowing experience. When they asked for His help, He stayed where He was for two days, and when He came, He didn’t immediately perform a miracle. He not only allowed them to weep, He wept with them.

 So perhaps, we who love Jesus deeply shouldn’t be surprised when we, too, go through harrowing experiences and when Jesus’ arrival—and His miracles—appear to be too late.  And maybe, especially, we shouldn’t be surprised when tears seem to be the only response we can muster. Even Jesus, who knew the end of the story, wept.

Father, help us  allow ourselves to weep and grieve the losses we encounter, knowing that your Son, Jesus, also wept with His loved ones, just as He weeps with us. Amen.