All last week, even as good as I felt with no chemo in my system, it seemed like I was in limbo. What would the next week bring? Would I have chemo on Tuesday or not? Even though my cough and sore throat were gone, either because of the antibiotic or because the chemo was out of my system, the low-grade fever lingered.

I wasn’t worried about not having chemo, but not knowing was interfering with my ability to plan. After all I went through waiting for a surgery date for months, one would think I would have learned my lesson. Apparently not!

Early Tuesday morning I learned on my UPMC app that my five-day culture results had come back “adequate.” That sounded good to me, and I felt hopeful. So we went to have more blood work done before my appointment with Kim, the CRNP.

Kim was still not happy about the fever but couldn’t find any reason in my labs not to do treatment and finally, reluctantly, made the decision to go forward. I was at peace with her choice since I’ve had a pattern of maintaining a low-grade fever for weeks after being sick. Kim asked me to let them know right away if I got sick again with sore throat, etc. after this treatment.

Everything went well with all the preliminaries that are given before the actual chemo is started. The first chemo, which includes the monoclonal antibodies–targeted treatment, also went well.

Then the last hour and a half treatment of only chemo began. After about 20 minutes, my upper hips began to hurt. I squirmed around trying to get comfortable. Annie, my oncology nurse who was standing near me, asked what was wrong. I laughed and said, “My butt hurts!”

Annie said, “Would you like to stand up?

Yes, I think I would.” I got up and tried again to get comfortable while my nurse began asking questions. My pain had gotten worse and now reached into my lower back.

I have a call button beside my chair to press which will summon all the oncology nurses and other medical personnel. I didn’t press the call button at the start of this episode because I didn’t want to summon all those people because my hips hurt! So I never pressed the button but someone did. Donn was amazed at how fast I was surrounded with medical staff, including the pharmacist with her tackle box filled with things she might need, all working together.

Within minutes, my pain became worse and worse, bringing me to tears, and my nurse was checking my vitals, while the entire medical staff were conferring and stopping the chemo, prepping to give me what they thought I needed and “talking me down.” I can’t tell you how absolutely protected and sheltered I felt. One of my Facebook friends had shared Psalm 91:4 with me that morning: He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. So timely!

Within a short time, my pain had subsided as the staff continued to treat my symptoms. When Kim went back to her other patients, she told Annie not to begin the chemo again until she returned. My oncologist was on vacation which put more responsibility on Kim. Eventually Annie went to her to determine their plan. They began the chemo again but very slowly, and then slowly increasing the pace.

Annie told me later that if the same symptoms had begun again, they would have had to stop the chemo and a different chemo would have had to be chosen eventually, but that didn’t happen. Annie barely left my side during the hours that followed and the pharmacist came back and stayed with us as well.

As so often happens, doors of conversation opened to share some of the ways God has worked in our lives in the past. Opportunities to be salt and light, praying for God to keep us in tune with His Spirit and to use us to make people thirsty for the springs of living waters. I believe, as always in the Kingdom, nothing was wasted.

At last the session was finished with no further problems. Needless to say, the chemo only session will be approached very, very carefully next Tuesday. They will begin very slowly and increase slowly. It’s possible the problems I had were because even though we had started chemo very slowly the first week, I hadn’t had any chemo the week in between because of my fever, and then we began full speed this week. Perhaps my body couldn’t tolerate that. I am extremely sensitive to many medicines.

I admitted to my medical people in the midst of the difficulties that I would dearly love to skip the rest of these first 12 weeks of chemo and go straight to the targeted therapy every three weeks. “However,” I told them, “I promised God I would do what the doctors told me to do unless He made it clear that the chemo wasn’t a good idea or until one of my doctors said it wasn’t a good idea.”

Kim responded promptly, “It won’t be me.”

I sighed and said, “Okay.”

So even though I’m not thrilled with this process, I’m determined to walk it out with the One who says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declared the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Father, I’m so reminded of the words of Proverbs 19:21, There are many devices (schemes) in a man’s heart, but the council of the Lord, that will stand. I don’t want to follow any plan but yours. Amen.