Many years ago, the son of friends of mine was dissolving his marriage because his wife had gained some weight and he “wasn’t attracted to her any more.” I was alarmed as I listened to my friends discussing the situation, alarmed that they seemed to be taking his side—his wife shouldn’t have gained weight and their son couldn’t be blamed for not being attracted to her any more.
Finally I could remain silent no longer. “No! No! No! That’s not what love is!”
My friends were startled by my impassioned response. I told them I’d watched a television program that week about a man whose wife was dying of cancer. They’d shown pictures of him tenderly caring for her, emaciated and bald—completely helpless.
“That,” I said emphatically, “is what love is!”
Never have I had a better reason to remember the love that man demonstrated for his wife than since I returned from the hospital after my surgery last week.
A few weeks ago, I blogged about my concerns about how helpless I might be following surgery, but in my wildest flights of fancy, I hadn’t imagined how helpless I have been. At my worst, in addition to the many other things he was doing for me, Donn bathed me, washed my hair and dressed me. It was as though I’d regressed to the baby stage.
Those of you who follow me on Facebook know that one day last week I handed Donn a vitamin that I give him every day, smiled and said, “Here is the only thing I can still do for you!”
The next day, I told him, “You are SO good to me,” to which he responded, “You’re good to me too.” I said, “Oh yes, there is that one pill that I give you every day!” We had a good laugh.
But day in and day out, I am completely humbled by the ongoing, self-less love he demonstrates to me while I am able to do almost nothing for him. And I find myself thinking, “THAT is what love is.”
I’m not saying we shouldn’t make reasonable efforts to make ourselves attractive for our mates. But one or the other gaining weight is not a valid reason for divorce. Years ago, I gained a lot of weight because of a medicine I needed to take. I had always been slender so the extra pounds were a hard pill for me to swallow.
I remember asking Donn, “Did you like me better when I was slim?”
He hugged me and said, “I love you any way that you are.” How thankful I am that my husband’s love wasn’t based on how much I weighed or how much I’m able to do for him.
How desperately the world needs to see what true love is and what it is not. According to Scripture, Christian marriages are meant to be a picture to show the world what true love is. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)
Father, forgive us for falling so far short of demonstrating the kind of love to our spouses that the world needs to see. Fill us with your love, described in I Corinthians 13, so that we can love like you do. Amen.