Almost anyone on a cancer journey will tell you that their journey has taken many unexpected turns. Every time a person thinks they’ve experienced every facet of this journey, something new develops.

My journey began in early December, 2023, when my ultrasound tech said, “Daisy, I’ve been doing your ultrasounds for years, but today I don’t feel confident to give you your results. I need to consult my supervisor, and we’ll probably need to have you come back.”

I cried a little when I was told it was cancer, and I cried a little more when I learned that I’d need a double mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy. Then I cried a little off and on when I had the first surgery and a little more when I had reconstructive surgery, facing the fact that, in spite of my second surgery, my body would never look “normal” again.

Now a year and four months since the beginning of the journey, I thought I’d reached a place of acceptance and might be done with tears. I was wrong.

Ever since my first surgery, I’d been wearing undergarments specified by my plastic surgeon or his PA, but recently I decided I was ready to transition out of those and wear something more “normal.”

As I reached this transition, I realized I had no idea what size I was now! So I brought out a tape measure and wrote down measurements to determine what size I needed. Armed with this information, I visited the lingerie department in Walmart first since it’s a five-minute drive from our house.

First, I approached the fitting room clerk. I told her, “I recently had a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery so I’m trying to figure out what size I wear. So I just wanted to forewarn you, this may take a while!”

She assured me it was fine and allowed me to take more items into the fitting room than usual—seven I believe. In spite of all the measuring I’d done, nothing I put on fit. Discouraged, ready to give up and close to tears, I got dressed, took my pile of discards to the clerk, and tried again. This time I found one undergarment that almost fit—close enough that I hesitantly put it in my cart.

By this time, I had determined what size I thought I needed but couldn’t find a single one. I approached the clerk again to ask if that size was made. One of the Walmart associates was telling the other about a physical condition she was battling. When she finished, the other clerk said, “Well, I’ll be praying for you!” That brightened my day considerably.

When I asked the clerk my question, she acknowledged that the size I wanted was very hard to find—in fact, she wasn’t even sure it was made. Again I fought the temptation to give up.

When Donn returned from doing other errands, I told him about my experience, and pointed out the one in my cart. “I guess I could stuff it with toilet paper like we used to do when we wanted to increase our size when we were in our early teens!” I blinked away tears when, as we’ve done many times when tempted to cry, we laughed.

I added, “I’m going to tell Chris (the plastic surgeon’s PA) to ask his boss to work on improving his technique so that his patients end up being a size that is available in the lingerie department!”

A couple days later, Donn and I planned a trip to Costco, and I asked if it would be out of our way to stop at the Outlet Mall in Grove City where they have a Hanes Brands Outlet that carries a lot of lingerie. He assured me it wouldn’t, and we left on Wednesday morning.

Again, I approached a clerk first to state my mission. I explained that I thought I knew the size I needed but hadn’t been able to find any. She was very caring and kind, agreeing that it is a difficult size to find. However, there were a few available in their store.  

Carrying my pile of three or four, I went into the fitting room. As I tried on each one and looked into the mirror, I became more and more discouraged. Even these that were the size I’d determined I needed didn’t fit well. Tears weren’t far from the surface, and again, I wanted to give up.

Donn had recently burned me a CD of my current favorites of Contemporary Christian music for our dream machine that wakes us each morning. One of them, The Goodness of God by CeCe Winan, had been the Holy Spirit’s theme for me last Sunday. I turned the volume up loud when CeCe started singing as I got ready for church. Then when we got to Sunday School, those who had gone to the early service mentioned that The Goodness of God had been sung in that service.

One passionate lady told the class, “I sing that in the car all the time, although I really don’t know all the words…All my life, you have been faithful! All my life you have been so, so good!.

Later, I shared with the class that we have a choice what we focus on. I told about turning the volume up high that morning and focusing on the goodness of God. We had been invited for lunch, along with several other people who weren’t in our Sunday School class, to the home of the passionate lady. Once again, our friend talked about the goodness of God and fervently sang these words again, All my life, you have been faithful! All my life you have been so, so good!

Those words came back to me as I fought tears because even now that I’d found the size undergarments that I thought I needed, they didn’t fit. And along with them, the words to another song that has become a favorite. I just keep counting my blessings, knowing I can’t count that high.

With fresh resolve not to give in to tears and discouragement, I gathered up the pile of rejects and returned to the outer store. The kind clerk asked me if any of them fit. “No, none of them fit well. Maybe that’s not the right size after all.” 

Taking the rejects, she led me to another area and said, “Would you like to try one of these? They come in S, M, L, etc. rather than specific sizes.”

I agreed and chose one, although I didn’t have much hope, and returned to the fitting room. This one was a better fit but I still wasn’t sure.

Just then I heard the voice of the angel in the form of my clerk who had come to check on me. “How are you doing?”

I explained and asked if I could show her. She checked the fit and deemed it, “Not bad,” but offered to bring me the next size to try, which I accepted.

A few minutes later, I returned to the store area and reported, “I think this is it!”

My new friend was so excited and said, “Sometimes it takes a while, but it’s worth it! I think that’s the most comfortable item we have in the store. I’m wearing one right now!”

So, I’m reminded that no matter how often I’m brought to the point of tears on this journey, The Goodness of God and His faithfulness remains, and once again I choose to “…keep counting my blessings, knowing I can’t count that high!

Heavenly, Faithful Father, thank you for your promise that you will never leave me or forsake me no matter what discouraging situations I face on this cancer journey. Your presence with me is one of my greatest blessings and the greatest evidence of your goodness. Amen.

Health Update

Between Donn and I we were able to get the heart monitor set up–it came to our house so we had to set it up ourselves. I have had very few heart palpitations since wearing the monitor (beginning about a week after I went off the aromonatase Inhibitors) so I don’t know what to expect. Every five days, we have to take the sensor off and redo everything.

My blood pressure is still elevated inspite of the doctor doubling my medicine and a natural supplement I’ve been taking. Please pray that it would stabilize soon.

Thank you so much for your prayers!