I have never been a fan of roller coasters as far back as I can remember—actually to tell the truth, I don’t know if I’ve ever been on a roller coaster ride! My recollection is that I firmly declined any invitation I may have been given to participate, choosing to stay on firmer, level ground.

However, as my life continued, I found myself placed in situations where I no longer had a choice to decline the roller coaster ride experience. The beginning of April of 2021, our son, Robb, one of the healthiest people I knew, got sick, and all of us who loved him had no choice but to take the roller coaster ride that followed. Three months later on July 7, he was gone.

One of those who took that ride with him was his son by choice, Zack, whom Robb had helped to raise from the age of six months—Zack who walked into his kindergarten registration and announced, “I want to be a Townsend.” Due to circumstances beyond Robb’s control, he never got to legally use that name, but he told me after Robb’s death, “I never called anybody Dad except him.”

Although Robb had no legal responsibility, he put Zack’s needs above his own and sacrificed to make many things possible for Zack’s wrestling career and invested in his life in so many ways—making sure he got to church at Bethel Life and went to their camp.

Last Saturday on Zack’s wedding day, just a little over two years and a week after Robb’s death, it suddenly hit me—this is going to be a hard day, not only for Zack but for me. A day of sharp ups and downs, another roller coaster ride.

On March 2, I’d had a message from Lexi, Zack’s fiancée, asking if I had any pictures of Robb in a nice suit that she could use to have made into a pin for Zack to wear on his tie on their wedding day so he’d have Robb close to his heart. So I knew plans had been made to include Robb in Zack’s special day.

But I hadn’t expected my own deep valleys and soul searching on that day. Was there anything Donn and I could have done that would have resulted in Robb’s life having a different ending—that would have resulted in his life not ending prematurely? I wept bitter tears as I revisited the changes toward the end of his life, those years when he began to live as though he was indestructible in spite of anything I could say or do.

The morning and afternoon of Zack’s wedding day passed and suddenly we were seated in the outdoor ceremony with Zack, his best man and the pastor standing together in the front. Then I saw Zack glance down at the front row of chairs and tear up, barely restraining himself from weeping openly.

Zack told me later that even though a small picture of Robb had been pinned on his tie earlier in the day, he didn’t know a large picture of his dad would be placed on one of the chairs in the front row. When he saw it, he almost lost it, and it had kept him in tears during the bridal march. Robb’s name was also on the seating arrangement at the reception, and the large picture of him placed beside his wife, Leslie, with his twin, Angi, on the other side.  I was so moved that, even though Robb was gone, he was being honored by Zack and Lexi in so many ways.

As the evening progressed, there were several more unplanned highs on this roller coaster ride. Zack and Lexi had included the anniversary dance in their reception which is becoming a tradition where all the married couples are called out on the dance floor and then, during the dance, dismissed by the anniversary of how many years they’ve been married.

When the DJ played the song he’d chosen for this dance, I recognized it as a favorite of Donn’s by the Righteous brothers which made it special to us. There were so many couples who had been married a long time that the DJ had to choose a second song before finally Donn and I were the last couple on the dance floor with our children and grandchildren whooping and hollering.

After we returned to our table, Zack came over and promised us that one day he and Lexi would be the couple on the dance floor with an anniversary of 53 years “unless Lexi won’t be able to put up with me that long!”  What a special, unplanned heartwarming part of the celebration.

Almost as soon as Zack finished talking to us, another man approached Donn and me to ask if he could talk to us away from the loud music. We followed him to the veranda outside. With deep regret, he said, “I wanted to apologize for not getting up to speak at Robb’s Celebration of Life service to say what Robb meant to me.”

The man told us he had come to Goldstein’s for a summer job when he was 19.  Robb was assistant manager of the warehouse for many years and had taken him under his wing. “I don’t know what would have become of me in that environment if it hadn’t been for Robb.”

When I asked the man’s name, I recognized it—Aaron–as someone Robb had looked on as a son and remembered the many young men at Robb’s visiting hours who’d told us that Robb was the best boss they’d ever had.

I realized that as Zack’s best man had honored him in his speech as the police officer he most wanted to emulate, all that Robb had invested in Zack was also being honored and I couldn’t, in a sense, look on Robb’s life as wasted because it hadn’t ended well, probably as a result of the poor choices he’d made. But instead I needed to look on all the positive ways Robb had invested in Zack’s life, in his son Connor’s life, and in the many other young men during his career at Goldstein’s.

Thinking further, I was reminded that even though King David sinned against God egregiously by committing adultery with Bethsheba, Uriah’s wife, and then having him murdered to cover up his sin, God didn’t define David by those sins when his life had ended, but still referred to him as a man after God’s own heart.

Even though there were consequences from King David’s sins and poor choices, they didn’t negate the good that he had done. I needed that reminder to bring some balance to this roller coaster ride I’d been on. I had been right when I told Aaron perhaps we needed to hear what Robb had meant to him today more than we’d needed it at his Celebration of Life service. Perhaps you needed to hear it today because of a loved one whose life ended differently than you’d hoped.

Father, help us to see people’s lives from your perspective regardless of how the ending may appear. Amen.

Health Update: We are praising God that neither cancer nor chemo was able to keep me from participating in the wedding and reception of our oldest grandson and his lovely bride! Chemo went well on Tuesday as Annie began the last segment slowly, and then increased the speed after about twenty minutes and at other intervals. We continue to praise God that I haven’t suffered any nausea or vomiting and very few other after effects that are sometimes suffered from the chemo. I even still have my own hair, although it’s thinner than it was! Thank you so much for your prayers.