The day after receiving Tim’s email saying he hadn’t gotten my manuscript/proposal or anything else I’d sent him, I woke up very early. This is so rare that I asked the Lord, “Why am I awake? Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” I was hoping for guidance. But instead the Lord brought a progression of songs to my mind, starting with (You can have all the world just) Give Me Jesus by Danny Gokey, which has become very special to me over the past few months, followed by a song I hadn’t heard or thought of in years.

I want Jesus in my life more than anything this world could offer me

for I know that He alone can satisfy.

Just to know He’s leading in my life is worth everything that I might sacrifice.

Oh I want Jesus more than anything.*

 Then a song from my Mennonite childhood:

 I’ve found a friend, Oh such a friend, He loved me e’er I knew Him;

He drew me with the chords of love, and thus He bound me to Him.

And from my heart still closely twine, those ties which naught can sever.

For I am His, and He is mine, forever and forever.*

And then the words of Philippians 3:7-8: But whatever things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. Furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (dung), in order that I may gain Christ.

By now I was weeping silently, so as not to disturb Donn, as these words penetrated my soul. I responded, “Father, I want to affirm again that nothing else is of any importance or value as compared with my relationship with you. I put it all on the altar one more time… my writing, Sarah’s Legacy, myself. It all belongs to you.”

Eventually, I said, “Lord, I hear what you’re saying, but I still don’t know what to do.” I was hoping for words of guidance during my quiet time later, but there was nothing, except the last devotional I read titled, True Riches, which quoted Philippians 3:7-11. Once more I said, “I hear you, Lord.”

I went to my office to work on my blog but decided to check emails first. One of my prayer warriors had emailed to say her first thought had been, “Call Tim,” when she heard I’d found his phone number. She gave some good reasons for calling, so I talked to Donn. He said he too had thought maybe I should call Tim since I couldn’t be sure an email would reach him. Seeing that as final confirmation, I made some notes to guide my conversation with Tim.

When I made the call, I got a generic, “We’re not available. Leave a message.” So I did. No call came that day. Maybe Tim wasn’t going to call─End of story! However, the following morning, he called and we talked for 45 minutes. It was a good conversation. Turns out his company isn’t taking any new authors until next year because two of their agents are unable to work–childbirth and surgery on vocal chords.

Tim told me even if they accepted me as a client next year and found a publisher for Sarah’s Legacy early in the year (no guarantees for any of that), it would be at least 2019 before it would be published─longer than I want to wait. We talked about various, less-expensive self-publishing options that I’ve been considering, and he said any of them are valid. If I decide I want to pursue finding an agent next year, I’m free to email him. He said, “If you email me and don’t hear in a day or two, call me. I always answer emails in one or two days.”

When I relayed the conversation to Donn, he said, “So we self-publish.” This was final confirmation of a direction we’d already been considering. In June I’d gone to workshops at a writer’s conference that seemed designed to make us believe we couldn’t self-publish without an expert to help us. (They were given by a woman who has a company that self-publishes for authors.) But at the end of June, the Lord connected me with a writer who said, “You absolutely CAN do it yourself!” She has self-published through Create Space/KDP and another friend has self-published through Ingram Sparks. I had almost reached a decision to go one of those routes in July when Tim Beals said he wanted to look at Sarah’s Legacy.

I self-published my first book, Homespun Faith, through Xulon Press, but now Donn and I will be doing a lot of the things Xulon Press did for me. I’m still a little intimidated about all we need to learn and decisions we need to make, but I feel much more settled about this being the right decision since my conversation with Tim. I’m at peace that the Holy Spirit will guide us because this is God’s plan.

I had posted the following words from Charles Stanley in June of 2016: The evidence of God’s great power is all over your life, if only you will see it. Viewing the world with wide-open spiritual eyes changes one’s perspective. Instead of saying, ‘I can’t,’ say, ‘I can because the Lord always enables me.’ Live confident in the loving, omnipotent God, who dwells with you. (C. Stanley) Recently one of my Facebook friends “Liked” this post, which brought it up again on my page. Only God knew how much I needed these words:

 I still don’t know what happened to my emails or why God allowed this delay but soon after making the decision to self-publish, I got an email from a lady asking if Sarah’s Legacy is finished and placing an order for five copies! I believe this is another gentle nudge to step outside our comfort zone, do what we need to do, and finish Sarah’s Legacy. Please pray for us as we work… outside our comfort zone.

*The rest of the lyrics to I Want Jesus More Than Anything…

Take the fame that I might want And all the things that seem so dear

I’d rather have Him than any praise That men may give to me

I want Him to have control And be the breath of life in me

I’d rather have Jesus I’d rather have Him than anything