When we went to Japan, it didn’t take long to notice that public displays of affection, such as holding hands, weren’t common, especially among the older generation. One Sunday when people were honoring those who had passed away by bringing pictures to church, I noticed a picture of an elderly husband and wife holding hands.
“Oh look,” I said to the pastor’s wife, “they’re holding hands!”
She smiled and responded, “She’s blind.”
Although Donn and I still laugh when we think about this incident and are prone to say, “She’s probably blind,” when we see unlikely couples holding hands, it made me wonder how often we make wrong assumptions about people who haven’t been raised in the same culture we have.
In Japan it’s sometimes considered rude to walk or stand while eating, so sometimes foreigners who do this might be considered rude. Our plea at times in various situations was that we weren’t rude—just ignorant! On the other hand, there may have been times that we deemed the Japanese people to be rude when they were just acting in ways that were culturally acceptable in their country.
Years ago I submitted an article to a publication in Canada with a self-addressed, stamped envelope for their response. When I didn’t hear from them within a reasonable amount of time, I contacted the editor. I received a vehement answer saying I probably hadn’t heard from them because we “arrogant Americans” assumed the whole world used OUR postage. Rather than assuming I’d made a mistake or didn’t know, it fit this editor’s bias toward Americans to believe I was arrogant.
Lately I’ve been aware that we may also misunderstand others who haven’t been raised in the same spiritual culture we have. Some time ago, a lady sitting behind me at church leaned forward to whisper to me about the young man behind us who was so rude and disrespectful he hadn’t removed his hat when he came into the church. She dismissed my suggestion that perhaps he had never been taught that a man should remove his hat in church. I suspect that her bias toward the younger generation is that they are rude.
Some people are also offended because churches with coffee shops have put seats with cup holders in their sanctuaries, believing that people who bring coffee into the sanctuary are being disrespectful. Others believe those who dress casually to attend church are showing disrespect. Years ago a woman in the church we attended hated the songbooks with bright yellow flowers on the front cover, perhaps thinking such gaudy covers didn’t show proper reverence. I suspect these differences of opinion, these biases, among different cultures—spiritual and physical–have much more to do with how we were raised than with right and wrong.
So how can we live in harmony with those who think differently than we do about these issues? Two scriptures come to mind: “Love always believes the best” (I Corinthians 13:7), and “Let love be your greatest aim” (I Corinthians 14:1). I believe we could avoid many misunderstandings if we chose to believe the best of those with whom we disagree, instead of believing the worst, and if we allowed love, rather than being right, to be our highest goal. I believe cultural biases can be overcome when we choose to see each other through eyes of love.
Father, forgive us for being so quick to believe the worst. Help us believe the best and let love be our greatest aim. Amen.
