Last Sunday afternoon Dwight’s Celebration of Life Service was held at the Sandy Lake Wesleyan Church. I had shed plenty of tears since he died on December 1, and I thought I would be fine. But on the way to Sandy Lake, I felt weepy and on the verge of tears.

I asked myself, Why am I feeling this way? Is it because I have breast cancer? I didn’t think so. My spirit was still completely at peace with that.

When the weepy feeling persisted and tears slid down my cheeks, I realized that, although I’d grieved when Dwight died, I hadn’t completely processed the fact that he was gone. I was so sad that Dwight wouldn’t be at the Wesleyan Church when we arrived, and that I would never see him again in this life.

We would never run into Dwight and Christy in the Greenville Walmart parking lot or in the store itself, as we used to do. We would never see him at Bethel Life, which was the last place we’d seen him before his last illness. (I still grieve occasionally that, once again, I didn’t know “the last time would be the last time.” If I had known, I would have hugged him longer and stayed to talk instead of rushing off to get Sarah from her class room.)

My tears were flowing faster now. I looked at Donn and said, “I can’t believe we’re doing this again!”

And that was probably the bottom line. How was it possible that so recently, we had held a Celebration of Life service for our son, Robb, and now were attending one for Dwight? They had graduated from high school together and now, before the age of fifty,  both had gone home to heaven.

I repeated the words I had spoken to Donn to Robb’s pastor, who had also been Dwight’s pastor, when he greeted us in the church lobby. We sat just a few rows behind Pastor Kent during the service, and he turned and looked at us when the worship team sang Robb’s favorite hymn which was also sung at Robb’s service. Somehow I was comforted by the fact that someone else recognized the significance of the song to us.

Our daughter, Angi, and I had discussed many times how thankful we were that Dwight’s Celebration of Life service wasn’t being held at Bethel Life where Robb’s had been held. As difficult as it was attending Dwight’s service so soon after Robb’s, being in the same sanctuary would have been excruciating. Angi was part of the worship team at Dwight’s service, and in spite of the fact that she was sure she wouldn’t be able to sing It Is Well With My Soul without crying, she got through most of it.

I recognized that my sadness and tears came not only from my sadness at losing Dwight, who was like a son to us, but also from how connected it was with grieving the loss of our son. Each of them passed away just three months after the beginning of the illnesses that ended their lives, and Dwight’s Celebration of Life service was exactly a year and a half to the day after Robb’s.

A year and a half earlier, Dwight had paid for a meal for our family from Bob Evans when Robb died. He refused to take the money back when Bob Evans refunded it because the meal was late. Now we were able to bless Christy and Rylee with a gift of money to help pay for food for Dwight’s Celebration of Life service.    

 These two deaths will forever be intermingled in my mind, sometimes making it difficult to know exactly what I’m crying about. A small memory for folks to take with them from Dwight’s service included these words, “…I’m walking with Jesus in person! With two kidneys and no joint pain. I fish with my dad, play jokes with Robb and throw the football with Franco—no complaints!…”

And there you have it. I may not always know what I’m crying about but Robb and Dwight aren’t shedding any tears. They are having the best time of their lives in heaven where we will join them if we love Jesus and live our lives for Him.

Lord Jesus, thank you for saying that you go to prepare a place for us and that Dwight and Robb are experiencing the reality of that wonderful place. Thank you for wiping the tears from our eyes as we await your perfect timing for us to join them there. Amen.